Morphe Palette's (worth the hype?!)

Now before I get into this, I just want to start off by saying that this is my own opinion and you can feel free to choose your own...

I'm just like any other typical, normal girl with a need for make up. I get this weird urge like I need it. Even if I don't, my alter ego takes over and hits the purchase button. Well, I know morphe has been trending like crazy and I wanted to jump on that band wagon. I mean for the price, who wouldn't?!

Well, this is where my story begins. I was recently watching a youtube video because I stalk the shit out of beautiful girls on the internet who tell me which make up to buy, who else is with me on this?? When I found a video on a tutorial I liked, she was of course using the morphe 350 palette, which everyone knows is a bitch to get your hands on. So I went with the 35W palette. Seemed like more of a palette that I tend to go towards so I figured it would be a perfect staple in my palette museum. $19.99 is all that bad boy cost me. I hit that purchase button and wished like hell it would appear in my mailbox overnight. The one downside to online shopping.... anticipation. I anxiously awaited the arrival of my new beauty, I tracked my shipping like a hawk. Then finally, it was out for delivery. I could smell the mailman coming up my street. Before he could put it in my mailbox I ripped it from his little mailman hands, ran inside (heavily breathing), ripped open the box... yes your palette, or at least mine came in a box, and instantly swatched every single eyeshadow until my arm looked like a bob ross piece. The colors were beautiful, I couldn't wait to put them on my eyes. I also decided to buy a few eyeshadow brushes from them as well, which thats a whole nother story.

The next day I pulled open the palette and got to work. You know when you get a new palette and you cant decide which one to wear or which ones go well with another, so you just use all of them. Yeah, that pretty much happened to me haha. They went on very great, I did however notice a few went on a bit choppy and the purple/burgundy colors weren't as pigmented as I'd hope. Also, these eyeshadows had a horrible smell. I don't know if I got a bad batch, but they smelled very plastic-y and like chemicals. Which isn't to big of a deal considering they are going on my eyes so I'm not really smelling them throughout the day.

When I was blending the eyeshadow my eye became really sensitive, almost like a burning sensation. I thought it may have been the brushes I was using and that the hair may have been to rough. So I switched brushes and the feeling was still there. I bared through the pain, because beauty is pain or pain is beauty, however you say that gay romeo and juliet bullshit.

I then applied my eyeliner, mascara, etc. and was finally finished. The burning feeling was still there and at this point it was almost unbearable. As I was finishing up my hair I noticed my eyes were extremely red and starting to get puffy. I knew it had to of been from the eyeshadow because everything else I have used before. Once I rinsed off my masterpiece, that took me all damn day to do, my eyes looked like someone had stabbed them with forks. It burned so bad that I had to put eye drops and a cold rag over them to ease the pain. Now, I'm not sensitive to anything. My skin puts up a good fight, but this time the eyeshadow won. I have no idea what those eyeshadows are made out of, but itching powder and cayenne pepper may be a few.

I was sooooo upset. Everybody loves these palettes, howcome it didn't work out for me? If this happened to you, I would like to know so I can share my pain with you. I guess cheap palettes and my eyes don't go hand in hand.

                                          

I am now bald - My horrible eyelash extension story

If you are anything like me then my biggest dream is to wake up and say "I woke up like dis" and actually not look like I got hit by a freight train. I'm sure Beyonce's weave doesn't stick in place all night long. Sometimes my hair falls out and I wake up thinking I slept with a woman when in fact my extensions made a new home on my mans head. Anyways, I got it in my mind that it would be such a stress relief to wake up and have my eyelashes gorgeous. More so I wanted to look beautiful with my eyes closed to remind  my husband how lucky he is. So I do a ton of research, 50% was positive reviews and 50% was pretty negative. I thought, well it's either going to go good for me or it's going to be awful. Guess which one it was?! You're right, they were the worst thing ever created. Whoever thought this shit was a good idea needs to be sitting in hell next to Hitler. If your sensitive to that comment then move on.....
It was the weekend of my 25th birthday, which I wasn't excited about, so I thought I would give myself a birthday present. I made my appointment and couldn't of been more nervous. The thought of sitting there with my eyes taped down was a bit nerve wrecking. Anywho, I sucked it up and walked in there butt face naked, laid down on the table and awaited the arrival of my new beautiful eyelashes.
First off, the lady who did my eyelashes was so rough, I almost cried. Then she must of just got done eating lunch because it smelled so damn bad, she should of taped my nostrils down too. And she kept asking me over and over what I wanted. I kept telling her I want them full and long. She looked at me like I was a moron. Bitch I just want fucking long beautiful, thick, flutterly, fake fucking lashes.... Geez. An hour later we picked some shit that I prayed was gonna look good in the end. This shit took 2 and a half hours to install, no lie. I had to piss so bad that I kept moving one leg over the other. She then asked if I was uncomfortable and I simply said yes, I'm trying to concentrate on not pissing on your table. Guess what happened next?! She grabbed my hand, mind you my eyes are still taped down to my cheek and said come on, I help you. Ummmm you help me do what? Bitch, you are not about to help me piss. No thanks I said, I will hold it. Awkward, right?!
Finally, I am done. She rips, literally rips that fucking tape off, I'm sure my skin went with it. I felt my eyes tear up, so I ran to the bathroom, god she is sooo mean. I was terrified to look in the mirror. They literally felt so heavy, like I shaved a cat and glued the hair to my eye kind of feeling.
I nutted up and glanced in the mirror. And what I saw was that moment "I woke up like dis" kind of feeling. I was sooo happy. Then I got to the counter. That will be 150.00. Ummm bitch, 150 what? Tears? Cause I can scoop that shit off your bathroom floor after what I just went through.
She looked at me like I was crazy, which at this point I was. All red eyed and emotional. I mean why that much? Was that shit made from panda hair, I don't get it.( That wasn't an Asian joke, I heard it from a movie and I use it quite often. )
Well you got the hair, the glue, the labor... all 150.00. Ok, well for that much I should of just bought the fake shit and super glued it down.
After she ripped my credit card from my cold hands, I walked out with buyers remorse. What have I done. Although they were beautiful, I felt that was a bit overpriced.
I got home and my husband thought they were awesome. So I took a million selfies all looking down and felt like a beautiful goddess. Well, I went to bed. Woke up and looked in the mirror, my eyelashes looked like they all got drunk and passed out on each other. I looked so ratchet. WTF do I do??? So I combed them like she told me to and that seemed to help but they never really sat back in place. Then they fell out like crazy. I can't tell you how many times I ate that shitty, not panda hair, eyelashes. They fell into my food, on my chest, my cheek, my pillow, my husbands dick... they were fucking everywhere. How the hell do people do this shit, I had a gap between the hairs, ohhh it was so terrible. So now that it looked like my eyes were giving the peace sign to everyone I decided I wanted them out. I googled "how to remove eyelash extensions" I found that it was really simple, thank god. hahahaha nothing is easy with these fuckers.

step 1: put your face in a pot of boiling water
step 2: wait until your face melts off
step 3: put oil on your eyelashes but avoid your eye... wtf
step 4: get oil in your eyes
step 5: cry
step 6: wipe off the eyelashes
step 7: rip out your eyelashes with your fingers because step 6 was bullshit
step 8: cry
step 9: cry harder
step 10: brace yourself

That was the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life. I looked in the mirror and I was horrified. All my eyelashes were gone!!! I gave someone 150 dollars to take my eyelashes from me. I felt betrayed, and vulnerable. How could they do that to me, how could I do that to myself. I wouldn't let my husband look at me for a week.

Needless to say, I am still wearing falsies, not only do I prefer them, but it doesn't damage my natural lash. Or leave you with nightmares....

Holiday's Suck, who's with me?!

Here it is, the holiday's. Where my husband looks at me for all the decision making in this chaotic time. I'm just going to take a second to have a BF (if you don't know what BF means, then you can't sit with us) (thats not from mean girls, but it should of been)(spoiler alert! its from white girls) why do all these movies end with the word girls, why isn't their a movie about mean boys! No Ken I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all pizza diet! God you're so stupid!

Anyways, I swear these posts never go how I plan. Well I don't ever plan them, my mind is an open web browser and I have 50 million tabs open, ohhh look sephora has a sell going on! hahaha yeah right, when does sephora ever give great deals. I want a 20$ lipstick for 2.99 please! Well there I go again. Ok, back to me having a BF (bitch fit). I hate the holiday's. It's supposed to filled with job and love and hot cocoa. Blah Blah Blah. Howcome my holiday's are filled with deciding who's house we go to and how long we have to be there, trying to drag my husband away from the football games, dealing with a screaming child because she hasn't gotten her nap yet. IT NEVER ENDS!!!! Can't pizza hut just make a turkey, gravy, stuffing in the crust pizza so I don't have to go anywhere? I don't think this is to much to ask for. And who say's the woman have to make the decision in all this bullshit, I want to relax and not give a shit too. Hey Honey how about you decide when we leave and where we go and who we tell to F off! Let me soak up the football game I know nothing about and build my waistline with endless wings and beer.

Then I make all the plans, coordinate and think I have everything down, when my husband comes to me bitching about who I left out! I only left them out because YOU told me too. Geez, he forgets everything! If I forgot as much as he did, we would be homeless, wandering the streets wondering what day it is. How nice it would be to be a man, can I get an AMEN ladies!

Well I hope your holiday's are less stressful than mine, if they are the same well lets all pray we don't stab someone with a fork at the dinner table this year.

                                              

Mid Life Crisis... at 25??

So my world has come to a hault... the moment in my life that I wanted to block out. We all knew it was coming but refused to mention, mainly because I would judo chop anyone who even lipped the word 25. Is 25 a word and a number?? If I spell it "twenty five" then its a word...  hmmm, welcome to the english language. Anywho, welcome to ADHD haha. This may not be a big deal to most but to me I feel like I have hit a wall, like all of a sudden I need to be a different person. I have 10 days until I turn the big 25, yes I said BIG! So devastating, how you can't  stop time, how fast it really goes. I often wake up in the middle of the night in a panic wondering what I am doing with my life and if maybe I was sent here to do something more greater. Since pizza has already been discovered, I am basically useless. I have great ideas, but I never know where to go from there. I've always wanted to create a longer hair curling iron. Like, us girls with longer hair can't fit every strand around the barrel and then the top part is curly and the ends are wavy! Anybody else struggle with this?? Also, I don't know why our phones are not scratch and sniff compatible yet. Sometimes when your ordering food online it may look good, but how could you really know? Introducing the smell before you sell app, allows you to upload the smell to your phone so your consumers can enjoy the amazingness coming from the other side! So again I go off topic... But point of the matter is I'm turning 25 and I just thought by now I would of at least been to the moon, or meet somebody famous... the only cool thing I've done recently is fore played with abraham lincoln in a quick day dream. Ahhh the memories... now when my kids ask what I did when I was in my 20's I can successfully screen shot my bank statements and show them I'm a domino's VIP member and a wine connoisseur. But hey maybe thats a good thing.. maybe my babies will grow up to be professionally bull riders, have their faces blown up on every billboard because they sell real estate or maybe they will buy a pizza franchise and we can all retire with happiness. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl, I have an awesome husband and a dog who doesn't care how old and worthless I am, she acts like she loves me anyways. So I guess I made out good. So instead of raising up my glass to toast this milestone, I'll probably be face down in my bed, exhausted, not from sex but just because life is hard...

Sore To The Core AKA getting my A$$ kicked

So I'm kind of a fitness band-wagoner... I see things that are trending and think that for some reason I could do that ha ha. Well to say the least I'm still hanging on to that baby fat and I give up easily. BUT I am determined to do this 30 day ab program from http://alexajeanfitness.blogspot.com/ , I have seen her Instagram and all the people who have done it and from what I see it brings great results. As you can see in the picture above I did not crop out that part of my belly that wanted to photo bomb this picture, it just proves I need this program more than ever. So lets call that my before photo because lawd knows I am not posting my belly on here... maybe. IF I can pull this off I will post a before and after picture. I have the worst habits of life, I can't turn down pizza.. its my kryptonite and my partner in crime. Plus domino's mobile app is so easy to use and they are 5 minutes from my house... maybe I should walk to get it and eat it on my way home... ha yeah right, I'd call my husband for a ride and we all know I would. I have come to realize that I am actually bigger than I appear. For example, yes I can still see my feet but me and my beautiful family took our photos together for the first time and we just got them back and i realized how much my double chin wanted to be front and center of  each photo... so it's time. You know when you wave and you have an aftershock that leads up to your arm flab and you have to wait for it to slowly stop shaking so you can get it back under control and get yo life checked, that's where I am at and I need to step up my game. Maybe this will work and I'll do two rounds of it, or maybe I'll give up and pass it off to a friend and I can watch their success. Either way, I know it will do somebody some good. Lets hope its me and lets hope I can make a change and lose this muffin top #herestoanotherletsmakethishappenprogram

Transitioning from swaddle to no swaddle.

Perfectly sleeping baby....what happens when you remove the swaddle?!

You know that happy feeling you get when you look at the clock and realize its almost bedtime! Well, if your a mom, then you know that moment. However, when I looked over to the baby monitor and saw she was on her stomach while still being swaddled, I knew it was time to cut the swaddle... but how do I do that?!

I wish I could say that I waved my magic wand and she slept like an angel every night since... but my wand is broken and I'm a bit rusty on my spells so lets explain the hard way. 

It makes my blood pressure rise when I think about the endless nights I had during this time in her life. I thought she'd be happy being out of her baby straight jacket.. but that was definitely not the case. 

For me, I had no choice, she rolled over and that was it. I had to go in there in the middle of the night, unswaddle her and walk away... haha yeah right!! She cried like I had just murdered ottie in front of her (her favorite stuffed otter). What the hell do I do now?! I figured she could come lay with me and maybe I'd be comforting but then the fear of me rolling over or her falling off the bed kicked in so that idea was out. I first decided to half swaddle her or swaddle her with her arms out. Ok, her arms are out, I walked out and stared at the baby monitor to see what she would do. Bang, she slammed her head against the crib, and then she got her stuck through the slats of the crib... ahhhh omg, I ran in there like they were handin out free pumpkin spice latte's at starbucks. Shit kid, are you trying to escape me?! I had no bumpers on her crib because I read horror stories on those things... but after you see your child stuck through the spaces of her bed the bumpers didn't sound so bad. The next day I headed out and bought those bumpers. I installed them, stuck her in her crib while being swaddled with her arms out, walked out and watched on the baby monitor again. Now.... let me remind you this baby is 6 months old. She grabs on to those bumpers and pulls them off!!!!! I had them bastards tied tight! Ok Baby 1 Mom 0 .... So I go in for the second time, double knot them, told my daughter goodnight, I love you and good luck escaping moms love. Started watching her again, she pulled on them but they wouldn't budge so eventually she gave up. Now... I was soooo happy I won that battle but then a knew fear set in... she laid flat on her belly with her face in the mattress?! the fuchhhh.... come on baby, make mommy happy. I instantly panicked went in there, flipped her around and of course... she woke up! Baby 2 Mom 1... she is good at games. So I'm a first time mom, wanna know what I did?! I called the emergency line at her pediatrics... yepp I sure did. Ummm hello?! Yes, I mean no this isn't an emergency but I have a question that could be very important.... is my child suppose to sleep face down?! I got silence for a moment and I instantly regretted my decision to call. Mrs Ashton your baby can sleep face down, if she was strong enough to roll over she can move her head if she needs to. Just like you do when you sleep, if you can't breathe, then you find a different position where you can breathe....  ok makes sense, thanks doc! It was still very uneasy for me to see her face pressed against the bumper or the mattress. So I barely slept for days until I got use to the idea of her rolling around her whole crib and being destructive with her bumper haha. 

She is now 8 months old. I have purchased the halo sleepsack!! that thing is heaven sent... let me tell ya! 

I wish there were somewhere out there that would of prepared me for this moment because it really did freak me out and made it very uneasy for me to go to sleep. But she does know what shes doing and she has proved that to me with all those crazy positions she gets herself into. Follow your instincts and have some trust in your baby :)