My weight loss.. so far

If any of you are like me then this is the time of year where you are sitting in your fat pants on the couch watching a re run of sex and the city thinking, maybe I should lose some weight. There is something about spring that gets all excited for summer. Our brains may be pumped that the hot weather is approaching but our enlarged body parts are dreading it. It's bad enough that I sweat like a crazy person when it hits 90 degrees, let alone having to wear jeans because your thighs and butt just don't scream, look at me (in a good way) when your rocking shorts. I've hit a point in my life where everything just seems to be a struggle. Shit, even getting out of bed takes effort. Honestly, I woke up one day and looking at my frumpy baggy pajama shirt, that makes me look twice as big, I decided it is time. Now this was back in February, I made a commitment to myself to not drink soda, eat candy (as much as I was before, I let myself indulge when Aunt Flow comes to town) and I swore I was going to do more exercising. I've tried almost every fad diet out there from Raspberry Ketones, Garcinia Cambogia, Phentermine, Waist Training, Diet Pills of all kinds... and when you think about it, there really isn't a making pill that's going to really work while keeping the weight off. So, I knew what I had to do, go with the tried and true, good ol' eating right and working out.

Day 1 - February 2nd 2016.
I downloaded the app http://www.myfitnesspal.com/welcome/learn_more which helps you count calories, log your weight loss, and it helps count your steps. This app has been a game changer for me. I never realized how much shit I was putting into my body until I got this app. Die hard cafe rio salad eater, and when you think salad you think ohhhh I'm eating healthy, no! this baby is like 900 calories alone! I put in all my information and decided to go with 1,200 calories a day. At first this was extremely hard. I felt like I was starving, and I most days I was going over by at least 300-500 calories. Finally, I got the hang of it and it wasn't as bad as when I started.
My starting weight was 170 and I am 5'6". A bit chunky in the middle, and my hips expanded due to having my baby girl back in 2014. So I decided I wanted to go down to 140. That's my goal weight, since thats what I was pre-pregnancy.

End of February 2016 
 By the end of February I was weighed in at 163. A total of 7 pounds down. This was because I was drinking water like a crazy person. So I'm pretty sure that was all of my water weight. Not to mention, I was walking/running 5x a week. I bought a treadmill and used it for something more than a clothes rack :). I was making healthy dinners, eating fruits and veggies for lunch and a protein bar for my breakfast. Now I'm not a nutritionist, I had no idea what I was doing when I first started, I just did some research and ate what I liked and what filled me up. That was another hard thing, it took a while before fruits and veggies would fill me up. Now I can eat a cup of strawberries with some almonds and a string cheese and I am good to go. Before I would need a double cheeseburger, fries and a large drink to get me through the day.

End of March 2016.
Here is where I went downhill. Of course March is affiliated with Easter, and I let myself go... when you're used to only drinking water and eating healthy and you have more than one cheat day it is extremely hard to get back on your diet. I started drinking more beer which have a shit ton of calories, So needless to say I only lost 3 pounds in March and am now at 160. I guess 10 lbs in 2 months isn't bad, it's just when you put in alot of work I was hoping to shed a bit more.

Beginning of April 2016
I am now getting back to running/walking at least 5 times a week, eating my fruits and veggies, making healthy dinners, drinking more water and doing the best that I can at staying away from alcohol and candy. I am still at 160 and I have 20 more pounds to go. I've decided to incorporate some workout DVD's to switch it up on the days I don't feel like running. Still keeping one cheat meal a day because it's nice to reward yourself after doing good all week.

Going on 3 months, it has been a roller coaster for myself and my body. I've felt the best that I have felt and also have had a lot of regret that comes with it. Needless to say, I have worked my ass off and 10 pounds is good for me. I am going to continue on this journey, and hopefully in 2 more months I can lose another 10! I will post another blog on my weight loss and how I've been doing on eating and exercising.

Stay with it! It's tough and you will have good days and not so good days, But I believe it will be worth it. Maybe I won't be ready this summer, but at least I have made the decision to make a better and healthier lifestyle :)

Morphe Palette's (worth the hype?!)

Now before I get into this, I just want to start off by saying that this is my own opinion and you can feel free to choose your own...

I'm just like any other typical, normal girl with a need for make up. I get this weird urge like I need it. Even if I don't, my alter ego takes over and hits the purchase button. Well, I know morphe has been trending like crazy and I wanted to jump on that band wagon. I mean for the price, who wouldn't?!

Well, this is where my story begins. I was recently watching a youtube video because I stalk the shit out of beautiful girls on the internet who tell me which make up to buy, who else is with me on this?? When I found a video on a tutorial I liked, she was of course using the morphe 350 palette, which everyone knows is a bitch to get your hands on. So I went with the 35W palette. Seemed like more of a palette that I tend to go towards so I figured it would be a perfect staple in my palette museum. $19.99 is all that bad boy cost me. I hit that purchase button and wished like hell it would appear in my mailbox overnight. The one downside to online shopping.... anticipation. I anxiously awaited the arrival of my new beauty, I tracked my shipping like a hawk. Then finally, it was out for delivery. I could smell the mailman coming up my street. Before he could put it in my mailbox I ripped it from his little mailman hands, ran inside (heavily breathing), ripped open the box... yes your palette, or at least mine came in a box, and instantly swatched every single eyeshadow until my arm looked like a bob ross piece. The colors were beautiful, I couldn't wait to put them on my eyes. I also decided to buy a few eyeshadow brushes from them as well, which thats a whole nother story.

The next day I pulled open the palette and got to work. You know when you get a new palette and you cant decide which one to wear or which ones go well with another, so you just use all of them. Yeah, that pretty much happened to me haha. They went on very great, I did however notice a few went on a bit choppy and the purple/burgundy colors weren't as pigmented as I'd hope. Also, these eyeshadows had a horrible smell. I don't know if I got a bad batch, but they smelled very plastic-y and like chemicals. Which isn't to big of a deal considering they are going on my eyes so I'm not really smelling them throughout the day.

When I was blending the eyeshadow my eye became really sensitive, almost like a burning sensation. I thought it may have been the brushes I was using and that the hair may have been to rough. So I switched brushes and the feeling was still there. I bared through the pain, because beauty is pain or pain is beauty, however you say that gay romeo and juliet bullshit.

I then applied my eyeliner, mascara, etc. and was finally finished. The burning feeling was still there and at this point it was almost unbearable. As I was finishing up my hair I noticed my eyes were extremely red and starting to get puffy. I knew it had to of been from the eyeshadow because everything else I have used before. Once I rinsed off my masterpiece, that took me all damn day to do, my eyes looked like someone had stabbed them with forks. It burned so bad that I had to put eye drops and a cold rag over them to ease the pain. Now, I'm not sensitive to anything. My skin puts up a good fight, but this time the eyeshadow won. I have no idea what those eyeshadows are made out of, but itching powder and cayenne pepper may be a few.

I was sooooo upset. Everybody loves these palettes, howcome it didn't work out for me? If this happened to you, I would like to know so I can share my pain with you. I guess cheap palettes and my eyes don't go hand in hand.

                                          

I am now bald - My horrible eyelash extension story

If you are anything like me then my biggest dream is to wake up and say "I woke up like dis" and actually not look like I got hit by a freight train. I'm sure Beyonce's weave doesn't stick in place all night long. Sometimes my hair falls out and I wake up thinking I slept with a woman when in fact my extensions made a new home on my mans head. Anyways, I got it in my mind that it would be such a stress relief to wake up and have my eyelashes gorgeous. More so I wanted to look beautiful with my eyes closed to remind  my husband how lucky he is. So I do a ton of research, 50% was positive reviews and 50% was pretty negative. I thought, well it's either going to go good for me or it's going to be awful. Guess which one it was?! You're right, they were the worst thing ever created. Whoever thought this shit was a good idea needs to be sitting in hell next to Hitler. If your sensitive to that comment then move on.....
It was the weekend of my 25th birthday, which I wasn't excited about, so I thought I would give myself a birthday present. I made my appointment and couldn't of been more nervous. The thought of sitting there with my eyes taped down was a bit nerve wrecking. Anywho, I sucked it up and walked in there butt face naked, laid down on the table and awaited the arrival of my new beautiful eyelashes.
First off, the lady who did my eyelashes was so rough, I almost cried. Then she must of just got done eating lunch because it smelled so damn bad, she should of taped my nostrils down too. And she kept asking me over and over what I wanted. I kept telling her I want them full and long. She looked at me like I was a moron. Bitch I just want fucking long beautiful, thick, flutterly, fake fucking lashes.... Geez. An hour later we picked some shit that I prayed was gonna look good in the end. This shit took 2 and a half hours to install, no lie. I had to piss so bad that I kept moving one leg over the other. She then asked if I was uncomfortable and I simply said yes, I'm trying to concentrate on not pissing on your table. Guess what happened next?! She grabbed my hand, mind you my eyes are still taped down to my cheek and said come on, I help you. Ummmm you help me do what? Bitch, you are not about to help me piss. No thanks I said, I will hold it. Awkward, right?!
Finally, I am done. She rips, literally rips that fucking tape off, I'm sure my skin went with it. I felt my eyes tear up, so I ran to the bathroom, god she is sooo mean. I was terrified to look in the mirror. They literally felt so heavy, like I shaved a cat and glued the hair to my eye kind of feeling.
I nutted up and glanced in the mirror. And what I saw was that moment "I woke up like dis" kind of feeling. I was sooo happy. Then I got to the counter. That will be 150.00. Ummm bitch, 150 what? Tears? Cause I can scoop that shit off your bathroom floor after what I just went through.
She looked at me like I was crazy, which at this point I was. All red eyed and emotional. I mean why that much? Was that shit made from panda hair, I don't get it.( That wasn't an Asian joke, I heard it from a movie and I use it quite often. )
Well you got the hair, the glue, the labor... all 150.00. Ok, well for that much I should of just bought the fake shit and super glued it down.
After she ripped my credit card from my cold hands, I walked out with buyers remorse. What have I done. Although they were beautiful, I felt that was a bit overpriced.
I got home and my husband thought they were awesome. So I took a million selfies all looking down and felt like a beautiful goddess. Well, I went to bed. Woke up and looked in the mirror, my eyelashes looked like they all got drunk and passed out on each other. I looked so ratchet. WTF do I do??? So I combed them like she told me to and that seemed to help but they never really sat back in place. Then they fell out like crazy. I can't tell you how many times I ate that shitty, not panda hair, eyelashes. They fell into my food, on my chest, my cheek, my pillow, my husbands dick... they were fucking everywhere. How the hell do people do this shit, I had a gap between the hairs, ohhh it was so terrible. So now that it looked like my eyes were giving the peace sign to everyone I decided I wanted them out. I googled "how to remove eyelash extensions" I found that it was really simple, thank god. hahahaha nothing is easy with these fuckers.

step 1: put your face in a pot of boiling water
step 2: wait until your face melts off
step 3: put oil on your eyelashes but avoid your eye... wtf
step 4: get oil in your eyes
step 5: cry
step 6: wipe off the eyelashes
step 7: rip out your eyelashes with your fingers because step 6 was bullshit
step 8: cry
step 9: cry harder
step 10: brace yourself

That was the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life. I looked in the mirror and I was horrified. All my eyelashes were gone!!! I gave someone 150 dollars to take my eyelashes from me. I felt betrayed, and vulnerable. How could they do that to me, how could I do that to myself. I wouldn't let my husband look at me for a week.

Needless to say, I am still wearing falsies, not only do I prefer them, but it doesn't damage my natural lash. Or leave you with nightmares....

Holiday's Suck, who's with me?!

Here it is, the holiday's. Where my husband looks at me for all the decision making in this chaotic time. I'm just going to take a second to have a BF (if you don't know what BF means, then you can't sit with us) (thats not from mean girls, but it should of been)(spoiler alert! its from white girls) why do all these movies end with the word girls, why isn't their a movie about mean boys! No Ken I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all pizza diet! God you're so stupid!

Anyways, I swear these posts never go how I plan. Well I don't ever plan them, my mind is an open web browser and I have 50 million tabs open, ohhh look sephora has a sell going on! hahaha yeah right, when does sephora ever give great deals. I want a 20$ lipstick for 2.99 please! Well there I go again. Ok, back to me having a BF (bitch fit). I hate the holiday's. It's supposed to filled with job and love and hot cocoa. Blah Blah Blah. Howcome my holiday's are filled with deciding who's house we go to and how long we have to be there, trying to drag my husband away from the football games, dealing with a screaming child because she hasn't gotten her nap yet. IT NEVER ENDS!!!! Can't pizza hut just make a turkey, gravy, stuffing in the crust pizza so I don't have to go anywhere? I don't think this is to much to ask for. And who say's the woman have to make the decision in all this bullshit, I want to relax and not give a shit too. Hey Honey how about you decide when we leave and where we go and who we tell to F off! Let me soak up the football game I know nothing about and build my waistline with endless wings and beer.

Then I make all the plans, coordinate and think I have everything down, when my husband comes to me bitching about who I left out! I only left them out because YOU told me too. Geez, he forgets everything! If I forgot as much as he did, we would be homeless, wandering the streets wondering what day it is. How nice it would be to be a man, can I get an AMEN ladies!

Well I hope your holiday's are less stressful than mine, if they are the same well lets all pray we don't stab someone with a fork at the dinner table this year.

                                              

Mid Life Crisis... at 25??

So my world has come to a hault... the moment in my life that I wanted to block out. We all knew it was coming but refused to mention, mainly because I would judo chop anyone who even lipped the word 25. Is 25 a word and a number?? If I spell it "twenty five" then its a word...  hmmm, welcome to the english language. Anywho, welcome to ADHD haha. This may not be a big deal to most but to me I feel like I have hit a wall, like all of a sudden I need to be a different person. I have 10 days until I turn the big 25, yes I said BIG! So devastating, how you can't  stop time, how fast it really goes. I often wake up in the middle of the night in a panic wondering what I am doing with my life and if maybe I was sent here to do something more greater. Since pizza has already been discovered, I am basically useless. I have great ideas, but I never know where to go from there. I've always wanted to create a longer hair curling iron. Like, us girls with longer hair can't fit every strand around the barrel and then the top part is curly and the ends are wavy! Anybody else struggle with this?? Also, I don't know why our phones are not scratch and sniff compatible yet. Sometimes when your ordering food online it may look good, but how could you really know? Introducing the smell before you sell app, allows you to upload the smell to your phone so your consumers can enjoy the amazingness coming from the other side! So again I go off topic... But point of the matter is I'm turning 25 and I just thought by now I would of at least been to the moon, or meet somebody famous... the only cool thing I've done recently is fore played with abraham lincoln in a quick day dream. Ahhh the memories... now when my kids ask what I did when I was in my 20's I can successfully screen shot my bank statements and show them I'm a domino's VIP member and a wine connoisseur. But hey maybe thats a good thing.. maybe my babies will grow up to be professionally bull riders, have their faces blown up on every billboard because they sell real estate or maybe they will buy a pizza franchise and we can all retire with happiness. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl, I have an awesome husband and a dog who doesn't care how old and worthless I am, she acts like she loves me anyways. So I guess I made out good. So instead of raising up my glass to toast this milestone, I'll probably be face down in my bed, exhausted, not from sex but just because life is hard...

Sore To The Core AKA getting my A$$ kicked

So I'm kind of a fitness band-wagoner... I see things that are trending and think that for some reason I could do that ha ha. Well to say the least I'm still hanging on to that baby fat and I give up easily. BUT I am determined to do this 30 day ab program from http://alexajeanfitness.blogspot.com/ , I have seen her Instagram and all the people who have done it and from what I see it brings great results. As you can see in the picture above I did not crop out that part of my belly that wanted to photo bomb this picture, it just proves I need this program more than ever. So lets call that my before photo because lawd knows I am not posting my belly on here... maybe. IF I can pull this off I will post a before and after picture. I have the worst habits of life, I can't turn down pizza.. its my kryptonite and my partner in crime. Plus domino's mobile app is so easy to use and they are 5 minutes from my house... maybe I should walk to get it and eat it on my way home... ha yeah right, I'd call my husband for a ride and we all know I would. I have come to realize that I am actually bigger than I appear. For example, yes I can still see my feet but me and my beautiful family took our photos together for the first time and we just got them back and i realized how much my double chin wanted to be front and center of  each photo... so it's time. You know when you wave and you have an aftershock that leads up to your arm flab and you have to wait for it to slowly stop shaking so you can get it back under control and get yo life checked, that's where I am at and I need to step up my game. Maybe this will work and I'll do two rounds of it, or maybe I'll give up and pass it off to a friend and I can watch their success. Either way, I know it will do somebody some good. Lets hope its me and lets hope I can make a change and lose this muffin top #herestoanotherletsmakethishappenprogram

Transitioning from swaddle to no swaddle.

Perfectly sleeping baby....what happens when you remove the swaddle?!

You know that happy feeling you get when you look at the clock and realize its almost bedtime! Well, if your a mom, then you know that moment. However, when I looked over to the baby monitor and saw she was on her stomach while still being swaddled, I knew it was time to cut the swaddle... but how do I do that?!

I wish I could say that I waved my magic wand and she slept like an angel every night since... but my wand is broken and I'm a bit rusty on my spells so lets explain the hard way. 

It makes my blood pressure rise when I think about the endless nights I had during this time in her life. I thought she'd be happy being out of her baby straight jacket.. but that was definitely not the case. 

For me, I had no choice, she rolled over and that was it. I had to go in there in the middle of the night, unswaddle her and walk away... haha yeah right!! She cried like I had just murdered ottie in front of her (her favorite stuffed otter). What the hell do I do now?! I figured she could come lay with me and maybe I'd be comforting but then the fear of me rolling over or her falling off the bed kicked in so that idea was out. I first decided to half swaddle her or swaddle her with her arms out. Ok, her arms are out, I walked out and stared at the baby monitor to see what she would do. Bang, she slammed her head against the crib, and then she got her stuck through the slats of the crib... ahhhh omg, I ran in there like they were handin out free pumpkin spice latte's at starbucks. Shit kid, are you trying to escape me?! I had no bumpers on her crib because I read horror stories on those things... but after you see your child stuck through the spaces of her bed the bumpers didn't sound so bad. The next day I headed out and bought those bumpers. I installed them, stuck her in her crib while being swaddled with her arms out, walked out and watched on the baby monitor again. Now.... let me remind you this baby is 6 months old. She grabs on to those bumpers and pulls them off!!!!! I had them bastards tied tight! Ok Baby 1 Mom 0 .... So I go in for the second time, double knot them, told my daughter goodnight, I love you and good luck escaping moms love. Started watching her again, she pulled on them but they wouldn't budge so eventually she gave up. Now... I was soooo happy I won that battle but then a knew fear set in... she laid flat on her belly with her face in the mattress?! the fuchhhh.... come on baby, make mommy happy. I instantly panicked went in there, flipped her around and of course... she woke up! Baby 2 Mom 1... she is good at games. So I'm a first time mom, wanna know what I did?! I called the emergency line at her pediatrics... yepp I sure did. Ummm hello?! Yes, I mean no this isn't an emergency but I have a question that could be very important.... is my child suppose to sleep face down?! I got silence for a moment and I instantly regretted my decision to call. Mrs Ashton your baby can sleep face down, if she was strong enough to roll over she can move her head if she needs to. Just like you do when you sleep, if you can't breathe, then you find a different position where you can breathe....  ok makes sense, thanks doc! It was still very uneasy for me to see her face pressed against the bumper or the mattress. So I barely slept for days until I got use to the idea of her rolling around her whole crib and being destructive with her bumper haha. 

She is now 8 months old. I have purchased the halo sleepsack!! that thing is heaven sent... let me tell ya! 

I wish there were somewhere out there that would of prepared me for this moment because it really did freak me out and made it very uneasy for me to go to sleep. But she does know what shes doing and she has proved that to me with all those crazy positions she gets herself into. Follow your instincts and have some trust in your baby :)

Getting my baby to sleep and staying asleep

Sleep ... some moms don't even know what that word means anymore. We have become adapted to the world of insomnia and have relied on coffee to keep us going! Well, at least I have :). I was so tired, being a new mom, working full time, going to school full time, and running a house hold while my husband is out at work. It does so much wear and tear on your body that it is so important to get a good nights sleep so you can take care of your baby as well as yourself the next day. When I first brought my daughter home she slept all through the night and I thought wow this is easy!! Well I am now eating  those words because she is now 5 months old and teething has begun and not only is it rough on her but it's rough on me. All I want to do is help her pain and make it all go away but unfortunately there's no magical wand to wave to end the curse of teething. So, I made some changes that have really helped me and my daughter get some sleep through the night. If your baby is teething or not I think that some of these things could help you and your little one get some rest :).

Routine, Routine, Routine!!! 

I cannot shout that loud enough!  My daughter was never on a routine when I first brought her home, mainly because all she did was eat, poop and sleep. So it didn't seem necessary to put her on a routine if she was already doing all the right things. Now, the tables have turned and I knew I was going to pull my hair out if I didn't figure something out. 

Let me just say that she goes to her babysitters during the day so this is my nighttime routine, but it does help if the babysitter gets her to nap during the day so that bedtime goes alot smoother. So if your able to stay home with your little one you are very lucky :) just make sure he/she is getting some rest during the day so he/she isn't overly tired at night, because they will fight it to the death!!

So here is what my nighttime routine looks like to help my baby and myself get a good nights sleep!

After work: I get off of work at 4pm, I go pick her up and we get home around 5ish. When we get home I either lay her down with her comfort blanket and she watches her baby shows or I put her in her walker and she watches her shows, I like to switch it up so that she isn't always on her back. She will usually watch her shows for about a half an hour and that gives us time to relax, settle down at home and let things calm down before we begun the process of getting ready for bed.

Feeding: I have began introducing some baby food to my daughter and she loves it! Not only that but it helps keep her fuller at night and doesn't wake up every few hours to eat. I have found that the beechnut brand is the best fit for me and her. *Apple and Pumpkin is her absolute favorite* The ingredients are what exactly what they say they are with no added crap to it and that makes me feel alot better because with my busy schedule I don't always have the time to make her food, which I would love to eventually do!. So I feed her around 5:30-6 and we take our time, I don't try and rush her when she's eating and she is still watching her shows while she is eating so that its more fun instead of feeling forced. She eats about half a jar and then she satisfied.

Bath Time:  After my baby girl has eaten which is usually around 6:30 I clean up her bowl and spoon and I get the bath ready for her. I am using the bath tub from 4 Moms. http://www.4moms.com/infant_tub. It's amazing because I never have to worry about the water being to hot or to cold. Once I have the temperature just right I undress her and stick her in. This is by far her favorite, she loves the bath and I usually get a million pictures of her smiling :) I only use the shea moisture bath soap for her because not only is it gentle for her and her skin it absolutely smells amazing, and I can't use anything else because that smell always reminds me of my baby! Bath time is usually about 10-15 minutes, depending on how much fun she is having and it helps calm her down for the night.

After Bathing: Once she is done bathing I pull her out and wrap her up so she stays warm and I bring her back to her comfort spot, which for her its in our living room in front of the TV where her show is still on. That way when I'm drying her off she can concentrate on that and not getting cranky right before bed. After she is all dried I lotion her up with the shea moisture lotion that smells just like her bath wash. I massage it over her legs, arms, belly and a bit on her face. With the rest of parts that didn't get lotion this is where I place the essential oil. This has become a staple in our nighttime routine and I couldn't imagine living without it!! I use the lavendar oil and the serenity oil from doTerra. I am sure there are other brands you could use  however I know someone who sells them so I just stick these ones. I have a jar that I have added olive oil to and used a few drops of lavendar and few drops of serenity. I pull out the jar and rub the oil on the bottoms of her feet, down her back and along her jawline. Now I do that because she is teething and the lavendar helps calm down how swollen her gums are. After she's all oiled up I always put her in feety pajamas because it helps lock in that oil. Once she's all dressed her show is just about over and I wait til I see her yawn and thats my sign that she's ready :). 

Going to bed:  It is now about 7-7:15. This is a good time for her to go to bed because we have to get up at 5:30 in order for me to get us ready for work and her for the babysitter. I swaddle her with the swaddle that has the the snaps that go over her shoulders and the zipper at the bottom so I don't have to unswaddle her if she needs a diaper change in the middle of the night. Not sure of the name but I believe its from the brand summer. I spray her sheets with lavendar, place her in bed with her comfort blanket gently over her. I turn on her humidifer and her diffuser with the lavendar oil mixed with the serenity oil in it. I use the now diffuser but you could use any that you would like. This fills the air with a light scent of the oil mixture and helps promote peaceful sleep for her. I give her a warm bottle to help put her to sleep and she usually eats about 2-3 ounces and she is completely out!! I kiss her goodnight, say I love you and walk away.

Middle of the night:  Now for the most part she won't always stay completely asleep because she does get hungry and she does not like to be in a wet diaper. Now if she wakes up its usually around midnight-1AM. I usually don't unswaddle her unless she needs it. I warm up her bottle, and she eats the whole 7 ounces and she is out until the time we need to get up.


This is the routine me and my baby use and I am sure there are so many different ways to help get your baby to sleep but I enjoy reading other people's ways so I thought I would share ours :)

Being A Part Time Single Mommy/Wife

First off, it amazes me that I even have time to get on here and write this, but I won't complain because that means I am enjoying some alone time and peace for once! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my baby, more than anything but sometimes the darkest spot in the house seems so wonderful at times. Reading from the title I am a part time single mommy and wife, yep you heard that right!! 6 months out of the year I am completely alone to do everything all by myself and the other 6 months I have my amazing husband home to somewhat help out lol. I feel like I need therapy sessions where they've replaced the water dispenser with wine and the are you depressed posters with channing tatums hot body. Why does this place not exist!! Mommy rehab is all I need, once or twice, maybe 3 times a week will do just fine. I don't think I'm asking for to much here. If my husband can go away 2 weeks at at time to work I think I earned some couch time with a humerous therapist who tells me I'm pretty and that my sweat pants are totally complimenting my post partum body. Anywho.... I am a full time mom and I do love it. There is nothing better than waking up in a panic because it's been 3 hours without the baby waking up and your wondering what the hell is wrong when in doubt she is peacefully sleeping. Sometimes my mommy senses are completely off lol.
With being as busy as I am with getting up, rushing me and my daughter to get ready so I can take her to daycare, then hurry to work so I don't get yelled at for being late for the bajillionth time this month, picking her back up from daycare, going home to cook, clean, and do any schoolwork that I can squeeze in along with trying to at least shower once this week and then dragging my measly tired body into bed why have I not budged on losing this baby weight? It is sooo damn frustrating that I can be so busy, eat right, and it just wants to hang out because it got to comfortable to go anywhere. Or maybe its because I eat my weight in cookies under the sheets once the lights go out... that's right, no shame here. My life is so chaotic, I would of never imagined it being this way. For instance, I am renting an apartment so my mom has to watch my dog, whom is a pitbull and is banned from any renting places in the state. So I get the pleasure of hearing my mom bitch 24 hours a day while I have a screaming baby on my hip, a scorching headache and pondering thoughts of running away. 2 Seconds ago I just hit my damn funny bone on the edge of the desk... ughhh. Have you ever seen the movie click? You know, the one adam sandler that never gets a break so he gets a magic remote that controls his life. I always think of that movie, Like man I wish I had a remote so I could just pause something so I could sleep for days and wake up like it never happened and continue where I left off. Then I remember the end of that movie and I think hmmmm probably not a good idea. Welp, that went a bit in the other direction but thats what happens when you run on 10 hours of sleep in a week and you've cut out caffeine because you think it's going to help you lose weight when in reality it's just going to make you extremely cranky and you realize coffee is golden liquid and you need it to survive. I'm on my tenth bottle of water and I swear it's doing nothing but making my weak bladder worse and forcing me to pick up smoking... sike!! Somehow this blog of me being this strong woman who can stay home and take care of the house and baby while the husband is away turned into me complaining and breaking down a bit. Anybody up for a backrub? I could use one right about now, maybe I should do something other than complain, like pour me a cup of joe and get back to my routine. No!! I have to stick to this. :)

Until next time....

We chose this life... from an oilfield wife

We chose this life, which means we chose to only see each other half of the year, never knowing which holiday he will miss next or if he will be home for her first steps. I am an oilfield wife, who supports her husband when he is away as much as I do when he is home. I never brag or flaunt what my husband does because its not always golden in my eyes.. I give so much respect to the ladies who are single mothers, because only doing it by myself half the time is hard enough. I was up late last night thinking about how much I wish he was just there to give our daughter a kiss goodnight, hoping the next time he is home that she will know exactly who he is. Its true when they say you take the little things for granted. I miss just looking over to his side of the bed and having him there to look back at me, I miss having someone to eat dinner with, shower with, and just running errands with. Doing things all by yourself gets lonely and it almost feels like you can't get down about it because once again, we chose this life. I know he is out there working hard for his family, to make sure we have a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. I pray for my husband constantly, I know how dangerous it is and sometimes I wonder if his job is worth risking his life over. As an HR assistant the worst thing that could happen to me is a deep paper cut!! I couldn't imagine going to work everyday never knowing if  you'll get to go back to bed that night. Wether your husband is a roughneck, military man, truck driver or a 9 to 5 man it is always hard to say goodbye. I've supported him through thick and thin, better or worse and in sickness and in health so I will be here every two weeks and live my life being proud of who he is.
I never thought I would find myself writing about this certain topic because its just normal to me, he is here and he is gone and that's our life. But last night we got into an argument and when you argue with someone you love who is to far away to kiss and say sorry to it really makes you stop and think. Yes, its hard for me. I'm a full time mom, employee, student and wife. But I'm  never away from it for 2 weeks, I never miss a day in our daughters life and I have a nice comfortable bed to lay down in every night. Should I really be bitching? I mean what am I really sacrificing other than missing my husband every other two weeks. I should be grateful to have a hard working man willing to provide for his family! I guess we all have a moment of weakness and this happens to be mine. Please tell me I'm not the only one.  I'm just selfish when it comes to his love, I want it all, all  the time. However, I've come to appreciate him more when I have to watch him walk away for two weeks and I never take the time he is home for granted.

Introducing Dog & Baby

**Introducing My Dog to My Newborn Baby**

For the longest time my dog was my baby! She followed me everywhere and we did everything together. Once I got pregnant I was extremely worried how my dog would handle the change. With each passing month and my belly getting bigger and bigger I could tell that my dog knew what was going on. Zayla would put her head on my belly and could feel my daughter kick and it always looked like she was excited when she felt a movement. Zayla got more protective of me and was constantly by my side, like she was defending what hadn't even come into this world yet. In this sense I knew that zayla would be an amazing dog to my newborn but I still had my worries. For one, zayla is a pitbull... dun dun dun!!! I know this topic is very controversial and can be extremely touchy. Even as a pitbull owner I was still nervous, even if I owned a cute small fluffy dog I would take precaution. I researched and researched on the best way to introduce your dog to your new baby and how to take the right steps. Well, zayla is lets say complicated lol. Have you ever seen Marley & Me? Thats my dog all the way!! I got a Marley dog and I wouldn't have it any other way :). 

At nights I would hold onto Zayla really tight and kiss you as many times as I could because I knew once my daughter got here that these moments wouldn't come as often. Then the big day came, I was in full labor and about to bring my other baby into this world. Zayla went to stay with my mom for the days I was in the hospital and my husband gave my mom some of things that my daughter was either wearing or wrapped in. Needless to say when my mom had Zayla smell the items she could of gave two shits about the smell and went on about her day. My mom tied the blanket (loosely) around Zayla's neck like she was wearing a cape and had all her beanies laying around her and still Zayla didn't pay no mind to it. So instantly I was worried, if she wasn't caring to get use to the smell how will she react when the smell is now in her home and what she knows as her territory? The day came when I finally brought my daughter home, I had her laying in her crib when my husband brought Zayla through the door... and my fear kicked in. Zayla ran around the place like she normally does and came into the babies room, walked in and walked right back out. I was so relieved that she didn't mind until my daughter started crying. Then I noticed that Zayla didn't even know there was a baby in the room until she heard the sound and my dog went nutso!!! She was jumping up on the crib and freaking out, and I didn't know what to do! My husband picked up the baby and this made my dog timid and she didn't like that at all! So we put the baby back down and just let Zayla listen to her crying for a minute. The first night was rough, I put Zayla in her kennel and she stayed there until I was ready to let her out. The next day she acted like her and my daughter were best friends. It's like she knew that this was her new life and she had to get use to it. She started laying down next to wherever my daughter was sleeping and always seemed protective when she cried. As the weeks went by it was nothing but face licks and instant love between the two. I couldn't be even more happy with the outcome. So if you are introducing your dog to your new born I would suggest doing it how you know your dog will respond to it. My dog could of cared less about smelling her items so maybe it will work for you! However, we never scolded her for going in the nursery and we always talk nice when the two are together so my dog feels comfortable. I can't wait til my daughter is old enough to play and roll around with my dog, with me still supervising of course :)

2 months postpartum (without breastfeeding)

2 Months Postpartum

It's been 2 months since I have given birth to my beautiful baby girl and I am really happy with the way my body has turned out after pregnancy. To give you an idea I was 140 pound's pre pregnancy at 5'7". In the end I totaled a whole 185 pounds!! I gained 45 pounds throughout my entire pregnancy and to be honest it didn't look like I had gained that much due to having a longer torso. :) After she was here I'm not quite sure what my weight dropped down to, however, I got a uterus infection one week postpartum and when I went to my doctor and she weighed me I was 170. I had lost 15 pounds within the first week. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to breastfeed (which I will explain why in another post) so I didn't get the help of burning those extra calories. I am now 160 lbs, losing 25 pounds all together. I still have another 15-20 pounds to lose which will come with time. I haven't been working out but I have been making home made meals and not eating out. My husband works on the oil rigs so I am home alone running the baby around, working full time and doing what all needs to be done by myself. So it helps that I am very busy and productive. I did go back to work after 6 weeks because I was so stir crazy sitting at home, but getting to come home to my baby after a long day is the most rewarding feeling! 

 I have ordered a waist training corset that should be here soon so I will be starting to waist train to get my body back to where it use to be. I am thinking about to doing a follow my journey type thing with the waist training to see if it really makes a difference.. eeeeeeeekkkkkk I am sooo excited!! Other than my weight my body healed wonderfully after delivery. Although, It did help that I was extremely busy from day 1 after being discharged from the hospital. My mom was getting married 4 days after my daughter was born and I was the maid of honor!! I was running around and doing alot more than I should of. But in the end It made my recovery alot faster. I stopped bleeding after 8 days and my lady parts stopped being sore 1 week postpartum. I am really grateful for having such a fast recovery, I hear horror stories about girls who are down in bed for extreme backpain, headaches and overall just being drained and sore. It takes a toll on our mind and bodies having a baby and I give mad props to every woman who has had a baby. It's alot of work and they call it labor for a reason! Just keep your head up and think postive. You just had a baby, it took you 9 months to gain all that weight and it will take time to get that weight off. Either way you are beautiful for being able to create that wonderful baby! Give yourself some credit and eat that bowl of ice cream if you want to, you deserve it :) 

Thanks Halls... Just What I Needed

I never thought I would get advice from a cough drop... but here we are!

Lot's of shit has happened over the course of the past few weeks and today has topped the cake. From having a sick baby, bills due, husband leaving out of town and having a pain in the ass boss... well I've just about had enough. Then BAM! I woke up today with a sore throat and a nasty cough. Went and grabbed some halls cough drops and I wasn't disappointed. Honestly, I never really look at the cough drop while I'm unwrapping it but for some reason I felt compelled to look at this one. "Keep your chin up" is what I read, and I thought, is this a sign? Signs come in all forms and mine just so happened to be wrapped up in my pocket. When the hell did halls start becoming therapists? I somehow feel like I should write halls and tell them thank you for lifting my spirits after such a crappy few weeks. 4 little words had brighten my day and now I'm kind of happy that I don't feel good. Who would of thought... thanks for the cold!

Do you have a scratchy throat or a cough that won’t quit? Want something sugar free? Need something to boost your immune system?  http://www.gethalls.com/products.aspx

Getting pregnant with Endometriosis

Endometriosis - Endometriosis is a female health disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. This can lead to pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant (infertility)

^^ Story of my life!!

Let me just say to any woman out there that suffers with this horrible disease that I commend you! Endometriosis has put so many things in my life on hold and one of those was the ability to get pregnant. It's almost every woman's dream to grow up, be successful, get married and create a family. For some, this dream gets put to the side.. and not by choice. As far as I can remember my periods had always been painful! I would curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out until that week was over and then it was the same thing the next cycle. I couldn't understand why it hurt so bad. I knew cramps were normal but this pain was way beyond anything I had ever felt. When I was 21 I had enough of this pain and finally wanted some answers. I went doctor to doctor and nobody could figure out what was going on. I had doctors tell me that it was my colon causing pain, my appendix may need to come out, or I could just be having really bad menstrual cramps. I knew I wasn't crazy, I felt deep down in my burning uterus that something was wrong! Finally after doing much research I decided to reach out to a gynecologist to see if I had something going on with my ovaries because I had history of ovarian cysts. I had my appointment and he tells me that this sounds like a case of endometriosis. Now, I had no idea what that ment or what it was but that word freaked me out. He explained what it was and that the only way to find out if I had a case of it was to do a laparoscopy. Another word that scared the shit out of me. So I said what the hell, schedule the surgery and lets see what happens, thinking to myself that this was another miss and I would be left not knowing what this pain really was. I remember it like it was yesterday. January 17th 2012 at 7AM I was going in to get cut open and a little camera was going to determine what I dreaded. I got wheeled back and the last thing I remember was the doctor saying "lets pray for a beautiful outcome". I woke up shortly after in severe pain. My belly hurt, my back hurt, and my collar bones hurt (due to the gas that they have to put in for your belly to expand so the camera can see better). I was sitting there in pain anxiously waiting the news. My husband and dad came through the door with worried looks on their faces and right then I knew my life was forever changed. The doctor came in and showed us that the endometriosis had completely taken over my right ovary as well as the whole underside of my uterus. What does this mean? Does it come back? Do I need to live life differently? these were the questions flowing through my mind. I was so scared, lost and confused. I couldn't believe that I had something that every woman fears. I felt strong and confident that I could be fine living with this until he said "unfortunately, this causes infertility" I could feel the tears hiding behind my eyes, with anger in my heart I had no idea what to do or say. I never really thought about kids, I was only 21, my life was just starting. Right then I was so afraid my husband might leave me if I wasn't able to give him a family. I had something taken from me that I didn't even know that I wanted. Well, I didn't put much thought into trying for a family, I just went about my normal days. My period after the surgery was amazing... for about a year. Then the pain was right back and I was FURIOUS! My doctor had a guess that it would come back in 4-5 years. I went and say my gynecologist and she gave me 3 choices. Do another surgery, try and get pregnant now, or get a hysterectomy. WOW, here I am 22 years old and I am faced with a decision I never thought I would have to make on impulse. Me and my husband talked about it and we decided that we loved each other and we would make it work if we tried for a baby right now. So we tried and tried and every month was another let down. I was afraid that if we went on for to long with no success that I would forced to having another surgery. I was so upset, I knew I was never going to get what I really wanted. 6 months turned into a year and I lost hope. I went to my doctor and told her I couldn't do it and maybe surgery is whats best. Then november 2013 I noticed I was late... I had one pregnancy test left and I thought what the hell lets just see. I peed on the stick and walked away, actually forgetting that I took the test I started doing chores around the home. After about an hour I remembered the news of my future was sitting in the bathroom. I walked up to the stick and took a deep breath... there was a beautiful + sign, immediately I cried. I was so excited, scared and happy. I couldn't wait to share the news with my husband. I handed him the stick because I was speechless and he was soooo excited. After all that time I finally got what we wanted. Now, my biggest concern was a miscarriage. I didn't care if I was on bed rest and ended up with a c-section, as long as I was able to carry this baby to full term. Well 1 month turned into 2 and 2 turned into 9! I carried my beautiful baby for 39 weeks with no complications. There is light at the end of the tunnel for most. This is a horrible thing to have to live with and unfortunately my endometriosis is right back. But for those 9 months I was the most grateful human being alive. The battle begins again...

Postpartum Depression.. is this normal?

Having a baby is the most rewarding moment in any woman's life, but with joy can also come sadness and it calls itself Postpartum Depression. Have you ever been on a diet and you were doing so good and then somebody offers you a donut and eat it with a smile on your face and then immediately after you feel horrible? Postpartum is kind of like that. You create and carry this amazing little human and with every power in your body you deliver your beautiful baby and everything is perfect, but you feel don't feel that way. It could be numerous of things, your baby is no longer inside of your belly and is exposed to everybody instead of only you. It could be because your body feels so out of place and your womanly figure is out of whack. Or it could simply be because you feel your partner is focusing more on the new baby than you. Whatever it may be don't worry it's normal and your not sick or wrong for having these feelings. I can say that because I went through the same experience and let me just say, that it does get better. Once my daughter was born I was overwhelmed with excitement as well as fear. I was worried that I may not be able to offer everything that she may need and I was always told that I was the selfish and independent type. I knew that right then my life would be completely different and I didn't know how to handle it. I found myself looking at my baby that I loved so much and would just cry, for no reason. The loss of sleep, the pain your body is in, and the constant need your baby needs was so new to me and all I wanted to do was lock myself in an empty room. This feeling started as soon as I brought my baby girl home from the hospital, when it was just me,  her and my husband. Everything felt so lost around me, I couldn't even brush my teeth without hearing her cry in the other room. I felt as if I were doing something wrong, like I was a horrible mother. But now I realize that babies are just going to cry, even if they have been fed, changed and bathed. It took almost 6 weeks for me to get the groove of the new routine and to finally get my happy self back and enjoy the amazing baby that I brought into this world. Looking back at that time where the depression hit me the worst makes me extremely upset to think about. I can't believe I looked at my baby in any other way but with pure love and joy. It happens and it's soooo normal, don't ever feel like your alone because it happens to even the most put together person. If there is any advice that I could offer to help you once your baby comes along or if your going through it now is to keep busy. As if a baby doesn't keep you busy enough!! Do things that you love to do, read a book while he/she is asleep, go on a walk with he/she in the stroller, or take the baby out with your husband and enjoy a dinner. Yes!! I said go out to dinner. I was so scared to take my newborn out with a fear that she would just cry and I would keep the bad mom looks. Well, I didn't! And I'm so happy I did it because having a baby doesn't mean you don't deserve to treat yourself, after all, you are the one who put in all the hard work to deliver your baby. Have your parents or a good friend or relative watch your baby while you go do something. Your not awful if you need a break, and chances are that your friends and family are more than excited to watch the little one. Keep your head up and know things WILL get better.

Giving Birth (Better than I expected)

Birth, for most that word is beyond the most terrifying word in the English language, at least for me it was. It's true when they say you can't scare a pregnant woman because delivering a child into this world ain't got nothing on what you could do or say to her. This was me, being truly excited about being pregnant once I saw the positive sign on that stick and then the range of emotions kicked in and I needed guidance and some sort of advice to help me feel better. Well, if you've even been pregnant woman are compelled to tell you their horrible labor stories. "I was in labor for 36 hours and ended up having a C-section" "The epidural only numbed part of my body and I could feel everything else" "I pooped all over the doctor while pushing" blah blah blah. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about! We have all been there, researching over and over and trying to be as prepared as possible when that amazing day came when your child would finally be in your arms. Shout out to my first time moms because I know what your going through is scary and you don't know what to expect. I'm here to give a little relief and share my experience as a first time mom, enjoy :)

My last OB/GYN  visit my doctor checked me (38 weeks) and I was not dilated but was 70% effaced. Effaced? what the hell does that mean? My first thought was, I'm going to be pregnant til I'm like 45 weeks pregnant!! I went home and told my husband what the doctor said and he told me that that baby will be here when she is good and ready, which didn't help because I was way over good and ready for her to be here. July 29th was any other day to me, I was 39 weeks pregnant and like any other woman at 9 months was praying for this baby to finally come. I had been experiencing heavier discharge for about a week, roughly when my doctor had checked me last but I didn't see it as a concern. The morning of the 29th I noticed the discharge was a bit heavier and was praying I would experience my "Bloody Show" but I never did. I went to work and worked a full day and as I got home I noticed my panties had been more soaked than normal. Concerned, my husband called the doctor and they advised us to just come get checked. At this point I told him that we didn't need to go, I'm fine and I don't want to waste my night getting my hopes up. I gave in and half ass packed the diaper bag and threw random stuff in the hospital bag, knowing I would be coming right back home. We drove to the hospital around 5PM where they stuck me in triage and took a vaginal sample from me and told me this would be determining if I would be staying or leaving. Let me just say that the minutes felt like hours waiting for these results, I've never been so nervous in my life!! Then the nurse pulled the curtain back and said "Are you ready to have this baby?". I was in shock, and instantly felt the emotions of happy, sad, confused, and extremely scared. All the scary stories I heard were about to come true. I was wheeled into a delivery room and they instantly started me on pitocin at 7PM. At this point I was 1 1/5 CM dilated and still 70% effaced. My husband made sure I was comfortable and had everything I needed so that he could leave and drop our dog off at my moms and bring some last minute things that I had carelessly forgot to pack. As I was laying there in the hospital bed around 9PM my water broke! And let me just tell you that it's not that bad, I heard a pop sound and then a gush of water, nothing disgusting and the nurse was so sweet when she came to help me clean it up. After my water popped they upped my pitocin and the contractions really started to come on. I called my husband and told him I needed him immediately before they got extremely intense and I didn't want to experience this on my own. 10 minutes later my husband burst through the door and was by my side with anything that I needed. Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat this part, the contractions hurt like a motherfucker! This could be because I was on a high dose of pitocin and my contractions were literally on top of eachother, I didn't even have to time to catch my breath before another one hit. By 11:00 PM my mom showed up because I was having her in the room when I delivered and by then I was in alot of pain. However, I never screamed or gave out a loud cry, It was like I knew I did this to myself and that I had to deal with the consequence. It didn't help that the lady in the room next to me was delivering and she was screaming bloody murder!! She had me and my entire family on edge. By midnight my body was shaking uncontrollably and I yelled at my husband "get me the drugs". Immediately he went out and told the nurse I was ready for that epidural. Now I remember hearing that it could take the doctor hours before he would come in and give you your epidural so I knew I would be waiting. Not even ten minutes later that beautiful man walked in and I swear I could hear angels sing, I never been more  happy in my life! He had me sit down and the end of the bed, hunched over, my husband holding one hand and the nurse holding the other. This by far was the easiest part of labor, it took 2 minutes to get that bad boy and almost immediately I felt relief. They checked me again and I was 4 CM dilated. Then they put my catheter in and that was the most uncomfortable part for me, once she inserted it in I swear I could feel the pressure of the catheter and I did not like it. But I had enough relief that I was able to fall asleep. 4AM came and I had this weird feeling like I should be checked, I asked the nurse if she would check me and she said are you sure? we checked you a bit ago and you were only at a 4. I said yes please and as soon as she pulled the blankets down there was blood and I was dilated to a 10!!! She immediately went to get my doctor and he came in and said "ready to push?". Was I ready? I waited 9 months to meet her and this is it, it's finally happening. They prepared the room and I did a few practice pushes and it went great. I pushed like I was an expert. It comes so natural and it's like you know exactly what to do and how to do it. I didn't even need the nurse to tell me when to push and for how long, I could do it all by myself. I pushed and pushed and my daughter was coming out sideways so I was having a bit of trouble getting her down the canal. I heard the doctor say we need to get this baby out now and at that moment I knew I was getting what I feared most, C-Section. I pushed like a crazy maniac and told myself I can do this, I don't need a c-section. I pushed for 2 hours at this point and you could barely see her head. My epidural wore off and they stopped the medicine so that I could feel me pushing, which helped me a lot. By 6:00AM my doctor called in for another doctor and I ended up needing forceps to help me get her out. Now, this scared the shit out of me! But lo and behold they used those amazing tools and I had my daughter out after three pushes. Delivered at 7:15AM 8lbs 1oz and 21.5 inches long! No wonder why it took so long, she was huge! My poor vagina is all I thought until she landed on my chest and she was beautiful! No markings or bruises from the forceps and her head was perfectly round. They did have to cut me to help get her out but it was worth it. My experience as a first time mom did have it's scary moments but it went fast and not as painful as I had anticipated. What I'm trying to say is every delivery is different and you never know how things could end up. Even though you're scared, it is the biggest accomplishment feeling that anyone could ever feel. Every time I look at my daughter I think wow, I can't believe I did that. And you will too :)